Oh What A Day: Do you remember…. The 27th day of December?
The 27th of December was a lot of things for my little family. I will start off with the sad, but I promise I will get to the happy.
December 27th, would have been my mom's 60th birthday! So monumental. I always thought I would pull off some amazing surprise party that shocked the hell out of her. If you knew my mom, you know that she asked wayyyy too many questions for that to ever actually happen, but I would have tried. Instead of her celebrating with us here, she is in Heaven instead. It really doesn’t seem fair that someone is gone before they even turn 60. But I try to find comfort in thinking about her sharing a piece of cake in the sky with my sister, and her dad. I imagine they throw some pretty rad parties up there, can you imagine if you could put anyone in Heaven on your invite list? I wonder who my mom would invite other than family…. Elvis maybe? Anyway, this day was bitter sweet. We celebrated my momma and missed her horribly at the same time, but like in all other parts of my life, she was there so heavily in spirit, I knew she was with us.
One of the ways I knew she was with us…… the date of our closing for our new house was on the same day as her birthday. I knew this was not a coincidence, but was a sign that she approved and was there with us during the process. I knew this house was special when we walked through the doors the very first time. I immediately smelled a candle burning that reminded me so much of my mother. It honestly felt like the layout and space was made for my family, the only thing that felt off about it was the owner's furniture being inside of it instead of mine. I got the sense of being settled when we walked through that house that I really can’t describe, but that’s how we knew this was the one. There are a few other things that seemed to align to make us realize we were making the right choice too.
To make this day over the top, one more thing happened, after waiting about 3.5 weeks, my new mom ride was delivered to the dealership! This was such good timing, as we have been using one car, because my previous car was a lemon that we had to sell back to the dealership. :/
You know what my take away from this whole day is? Find the sunshine. It’s so easy to fall into that repetitive negative dialogue with yourself, remembering how life isn’t fair, and you’re mad that you have to experience grief, and your loved one isn’t here for all of these experiences, just really staying under that gray cloud. I try really hard to not stay in that place for too long, instead I choose to find the sunshine in things. I gravitate towards the idea of my mom being here for all of the experiences, maybe not physically, but definitely spiritually. I am open to all of the little signs that remind me that she is here with us and she knows exactly what’s going on.
Of course we will have storms, the clouds will feel like they are enveloping you, but guess what will always be there, through the storms, hiding behind those clouds, the sunshine. It’s always there, you just have to trust in that or wait for the clouds to clear.
