Multitasking Momma
Ya’ll I am tirrrreeeeeddd. Like exhausted tired. My plate has been way full lately and I am feeling it. Between the holidays, birthdays, the anniversary of my mom passing, moving into a new house, living life with one vehicle for almost a month, weekly therapy appointments, plus just regular life with three kids and two dogs, this Momma is ready for some downtime.
I often ask myself how do we do it? Like really, how do we do everything that needs to get done in a day, or a week, or a month? I think most of the time we don’t look at our tasks as optional, so it makes avoiding them nearly impossible.
There are so many times that I have to press pause on life to regroup. I feel like my thoughts are all over the place, I don’t have anything prioritized, and I am trying to juggle too many things at once.
I am definitely in a season of growth and learning to love myself, but that takes time. Time I don’t always have. I try pretty hard to make things that bring me joy a priority, sometimes it just looks a little different. There are times where I’d like to write a new blog post or jot down some ideas, but I have momma duties to tend to. I have an 11 month old who loves his momma, so sometimes, blog writing looks like this:
I kind of feel like being a parent is the same as going into the grocery store with intentions of grabbing one or two things, but by the time you get to the register, your arms are so full, you end up dropping everything on the conveyer belt. That wasn’t your initial plan, but by walking through the store to the spots where you knew you needed to go, you passed up things that you had forgotten to pick up. But here is the deal, our arms can only carry so much. At some point you need help. Either someone else to carry some things or a buggy. (see: spouse, nanny, babysitter, grandparents, mothers day out, or literally any other form of help you can think of)
Personally, my biggest struggle is remembered all the things and making everything happen on time. I have this calendar that is basically my command station, it is the absolute only way I can function and keep track of things. I find myself repeating in my head, dont forget xyz, whatever you do, don’t forget xyz, and if I don’t write it down, I am 100% forgetting it. Shit, sometimes even when its written down, I forget to look at the calendar.
I know a lot of people think moms should carry the load of house management because the fathers usually make more money working outside of the home. Or they think that being a stay at home mom is easy, you just hang out at home all day, so that’s basically like free time right? Wrong. I can’t speak for everyone, but I work way harder being home than I did at work. Not neccesarily more work is happening, but there is absolutely no break whatsever.
I think sometimes we overlook the small things that get done without much notice.
I usually meal plan for a month at a time, create a grocery list, buy those groceries, prep things for storage, then keep the fridge, freezer, and pantry organized. This doesn’t include actually cooking. In a typical month, we usually eat out about three times. Every other night I am preparing some kind of meal, usually home cooked, but sometimes it just has to be hotdogs. I can admit, the months of November and December were a joke, between packing up our house, holiday stuff, and all the other responibilities, I don’t even want to admit how many times we ordered pizza or picked something up. Too much.
Keeping a house cleaned and organized is also a huge task. There is no magic fairy that puts things back where they belong, or washes bottles, or does any of the other small things that keep a house running. Now, I can’t lie, I absolutely have someone who comes to my house every other week to do all of the deep cleaning things. She focuses on dusting, baseboards, toilets, showers, and sinks. I generally just do the upkeep inbetween her visits. This is absolutely a luxury that I have made sure we can afford, but honestly, my time is much more valuable than the rate I pay her every other week. I would rather make sure that cost is in our budget rather than spending an entire Saturday cleaning while my kids keep themselves occupied.
Holiday planning and birthday party planning is a big part of my responsibility too. I honestly don’t think we would ever have a celebration if I didn’t take charge and make things happen. Sometimes I want to just duck out, and let things happen on their own, or see how much my husband will end up doing, but then I get nervous because this will most likely result in someone not having a birthday celebration. Y’all, gift shopping is not always fun, figuring out what to get the kids, your inlaws, your own family, and some friends is difficult. You want to make sure you are being thoughtful while staying within your budget. It’s work; but I bet there are some spouses who have no idea the time and effort that goes into making things like that happen.
Work……. yes, so many moms still have a job outside of the home. So they manage all of these things and still report to a job for their 40 horu work week. I truly don’t understand how there are enough hours in the day. But we always make it work, we always get things done.
During all of this, if you even dare to express how tired you are, it seems like people have a few go to responses:
You knew what you were getting yourself into when you:
had kids.
went back to work.
wanted to stay at home.
went back to school after having kids.
[insert any other choice here]
You should really practice selfcare, you know, go get a mani and a pedi, or go on a girls night.
Well have you asked your husband to help?
Do you really need to give your job such a major time committment?
Just for the record, any of those responses are stupid. If a mom is blowing off some steam, try any of these:
Is there anything I can do to help?
I know it is hard being a mom, I am sorry you are going through a rough time.
Is there anything I can do to help?
Is there anything I can do to help?
Is there anything I can do to help?
You get it now????
Okay, I have had enough, I am going to take their advice and go practice some self care. Here are the steps I will need to take:
Checks bank account - do we have enough money for me to spend some on myself getting my nails and toenails done?
Asks husband - do you think I can sneak away on Saturday while you hang with the kids? It will just be for a few hours in the afternoon.
Cleans house - I really don’t want the house to be a mess while he is home, I want him to be able to focus on just playing with the kids.
Preperation -oh shit, I am going to be gone during snack time and dinner time, let me prepare a snack and dinner, that way he just needs to pop everything in the oven.
Thoughtfulness- oh, the kids are going to need a bath, I will lay out all of their pajamas and get everything ready so he doesn’t have to do any of that, you know, since his hands will be full with all three kids.
Guilt- feel guilty the entire time leading up to your spa visit because you are their mom, you shouldn’t need an entire 3 hour break from your own children, should you?
Self-care- we made it, let the mani and pedi happen, but why are they so busy today? its going to be a one hour wait? ohhhhh, the local high school is having a winter formal. Then you battle yourself, should I wait and enjoy the quiet time or should I just go ahead and go home, I don’t want to be gone for even longer.
Spa - Feel like shit for being gone so long while getting your mani and pedi, vow to never do it again.
