Intentional Inhales & Extended Exhales
I thought this would start off with a very simple description of what self-care is, like a thoughtful list of 5 ways to practice self-care. And then I realized there are so many kinds of self-care that it is hard to give a broad definition without considering the specific kinds.
Obviously physical self-care becomes our most routine, taking showers, brushing our teeth, going to doctors appointments, eating, exercising, the basics. But when it comes to mental and emotional self care, those seem to always land on the back burner.
Different things that can be considered self-care:
taking a step back
spending time alone
putting yourself first
forgiving yourself
setting boundaries
asking for help or what you need
meditation and positive affirmations
spiritual dedication
therapy
enjoying a hobby
reading a good book
Reading through this list and all of these ideas sound wonderful, but when I start to think of how and when I can accomplish this, it stresses me out a bit. You know what kind of feelings self care brings me? Selfishness, unaccomplishment, guilt, shame, disappointment, and lastly, longing. So what does self-care look like? When do you need it? How do we find the time and space to take it?
I found a great podcast (How to Practice Emotional Self-Care as a Mom)that I thought had a lot of good information in it. I didn’t get to listen to it because the baby was asleep next to me, but I did read the transcript. There were two things that really stuck out to me, the talk of having a “vomit journal” to put all of the bad stuff in. That way all your negative thoughts can have a tangible place to be stored, which then leaves plenty of extra space in your head. She also makes a statement that was quite profound to me, she says that we are not our emotions. We are not angry, we feel angry, and we are not happy, we feel happy. No emotion has to be your permanent state, you get to move through them like phases, some obviously last longer, but you don’t need to remain stagnant, you get to make it through one emotion and on to the next.
My self-care appointments are usually few and far between, but I try to make it happen before shit hits the fan, sometimes I just don’t make it. This past week was one of those weeks for me. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t get it right. I felt every single emotion in a 4 day period, anger, anxiety, sadness, grief, being overwhelmed, happy, proud, loved, loving, etc. ALL THE FEELS!!!! So I attempted to do some of the things that normally make me feel a little grounded, Monday I got a Mocha Latte from Starbucks, Tuesday we bought art supplies, Wednesday I had Starbucks and a therapy appointment, Thursday I had some “herbal medicine” and a few too many beers, and by the time I went to bed that night, I was still feeling anxious, annoyed, off. Luckily for me, I had one more self-care attempt scheduled for Friday. I would go to my friend Julie’s house (who is the Jill of all trades, she designs, she makes floral arrangements, she is a bomb listener, she is funny, and she’s artsy) and we would paint, be creative, hangout, and I would be without my kiddos, no barking dogs, no piles of laundry staring at me. I can’t even tell you how excited I was, and then I got to her house, with all of my paint supplies, opened up my canvases and started to paint. That lasted about 20 minutes and then I just wasn’t into it anymore. I completed a set of paintings I wanted to do, but then stopped after that. I thought to myself, how odd, I was so excited for this, but I just didn’t want to do it anymore, and then I remembered, in my rush to get out of my house today and into my peaceful zone, I forgot to take my ADD medication. So there I was, painting supplies spread out, talking to Julie about how cats personalities change so much from the time they are kittens to when they get a little older, what makes the perfect cornbread dressing, why high-pile shag type rugs are the devil, and plenty of other things that really had no point, other than the ability to just have an uninterrupted conversation with a grownup we aren’t married to. I stayed at her house for about 3 hours, which turned out to be exactly the amount of time I needed to find some calm and regain some focus. I was able to come home and feel more comfortable, hug my kids, flirt with my husband, and be more present.
I don’t even know when the next time will be that I practice any self-care, but I will make sure that it counts, that I get what I need from it. In the meantime, I am going to attempt to find just 5 or 10 minutes in the morning to sit with my own thoughts, maybe while I have my coffee, before my house begins to stir.
What do you do for self-care? Do you feel guilty? Have any tips or suggestions? Let me know in the comments!
