Late Night Rant: Napoleon Complex

Is it late night or actually early morning if I am starting this at 12:59 AM?

Okay first, let me tell you the most ridiculous rabbit hole I just went down….

I am enjoying the peace and quiet too much with my entire family asleep to fall asleep myself, so I decide to come do some work. Then I think, oh let me listen to Pandora on my iPad in my little earbuds so it isn’t so quiet. Awesome. Open Pandora……. You need to sign in! Okay awesome, but I don’t know my password.

Proceed to retrieve password, goes to my older email account, which is fine, I still have access to it, but uhm, I can’t remember the password for that either. So I then I sit here for about 5 minutes just staring at the screen like my password is going to magically appear in front of me. It does not. So I begin reading old emails in my newer email account and stumble upon all of my saved emails from my brief time at my last place of employment before I was so scandalously fired, I mean forced to resign after being threatened to get submitted for termination, I mean resigned, I mean went on paid maternity leaver for 16 18 weeks……. I mean “decided to be a stay at home mom instead”.

Whatever, you get it, I don’t work there no mo.

As I was reading through the old emails, some made me laugh because I sounded like an asshole, never disrespectful, but very straight to the point, but in my defense they were responses to the fuckery that was sent from my “leaders”, who would score a -57 for communication on a scale of 1-10 But also being two years removed from this and having some pretty fucking intense talk therapy, almost every other week and sometimes every week for that entire two years, I have a different perspective on the entire situation and I can kind of understand and see how things ended up unraveling like they did.

Wanna know the beginning of the end? (I mean per the emails I legit saved as PDFs for proof if I ever was given the chance to speak up for myself)

The spark: I sent an email asking my “boss” we will call him CSG (iykyk), also I used the term boss very loosely, because he was by far the most passive, frightened, non-leading, hypocritical, fraud of a “boss” I have ever encountered. (Side note….. that description was me being beyond nice, what I really think of him rhymes with rock ducking brother trucker.) Lord, I send him an email asking him if he did in fact expose me to COVID. He obviously denied ever doing such a crazy thing. But just for some reference, this was in October of 2020….. COVID was still fresh, we were still using “mitigation measures” such as social distancing and quarantining if exposed. So anyway, this dude dead serious has the nerve to sit about 4 feet away from me for about 15 minutes during a meeting while his mask is pulled down several times as he sniffles and wipes his fucking nose……something he will say never happened, even though other people in the room witnessed it. Then he comes into my area the next day and stands right next to me for about 5 minutes. Then he finds out he has COVID. But ya know, we aren’t allowed to actually know that because of privacy. Oh did I mention I was about 7 months pregnant during this time as well? With complications.

I am rambling, sorry. But that is what I think triggered the rest of the events. This happened around October 27th. November seemed to go buy with out incident. And then the fun began in December, the 4th to be exact, when I sent an email asking for clarification about if a student should be on campus, because the last correspondence said that the student was not allowed and is at home for quarantine, yet somehow they were also simultaneously sitting in my home room class. Odd. But it happened again. On December 8th, the exact same situation happened, I emailed asking for clarification and was essentially called into the office that day(ended up going the next day) and was told that my email to the school nurse was rude. I asked her a question, concerning a student whom I was told was positive for COVID, sitting in my classroom, while I am almost 9 months pregnant. Concerned and confused = rude now. Whatever. At that point in my life, I really didn’t have it in me to worry too much about work, I was honestly just trying to last as long as I could at this point and worry about my mother. (Who was terminally ill at the time and weeks away from being put on hospice.)

So I pissed him off on the 4th, then the 8th, and then the 9th when I went in for our meeting where I was told I was rude…… I also proceeded to tell him that I wasn’t being rude, I was asking for very simple context and clarification from two people who don’t communicate with their co-workers to maintain a safe environment. I also made sure they knew how terribly scared I was to get COVID because I was already having some weird pregnancy stuff going on and more importantly, my mother was at home healing from having a drainage tube in her chest for two weeks and was sent home after being told that there was really nothing else they could do and if for any reason I got COVID, that mean’t I couldn’t be around my mother for at least two weeks, or if I was exposed to COVID and never knew, I could potentially give it to my mother, and speed up her death. [This might sound a little bit dramatic, but those who were there, can assure you, this is the toned down version of events]

Ya know hindsight…. I should have quit before I ever started. I knew from the minute I met ole boy, we weren’t gonna vibe. We are opposites on all levels…..

He is tiny, I am big.

He is timid, I am not.

He habitually lies, I am disrespectfully honest. (So not a flex, I’d lie all the time if my face didn’t tell you that I was lying)

He likes being in charge of women because it allows him to feel important and validated, I (currently) don’t look for others for validation or to decide my value.

He wants to be intimidating and puffs his chest out………. I am intimidating. (Really I just inherited my mommas no nonsense, do your job and leave me alone, kind of attitude, which came with a beautiful set of 11’s, which means my brows always stay furrowed and my RBF stays on 100%.)

He (ab)uses his position as a way to feel dominant and in control, and I used my position to teach a bunch of kiddos how to love math, or at least their math teacher.

We do have one thing in common, its something we both like actually, its where he got his nickname from and how I got my wedding ring.

Before I leave you, please just know that I am definitely under the influence while I am writing this, so it may be super insensitive or direct, and lord, someone could even read this and send it to him (snitch ass), but more importantly…..I am

And give zero FUCKS.